[Hasegawa accidentally performed a Kinniku Buster on a girl and has been arrested on molestation charges.]
[Incidentally, this year 2008 marks the 29th year of Ultimate Muscle's serialization.]
Hatsu, um...
Can you and I start over...?
Hatsu-san...
I'm sorry, I'll call you later.
Pervert!
It's the Kinniku Buster! Kinniku Buster!
[Note: Kinnikuman's trademark attack and one of 48 killer moves. From Ultimate Muscle.]
I will be the prosecutor in the court of law where you will be tried in two days.
My name is Haga.
Peter!
Heidi!
We will now start the trial for the Edo Line Kinniku Buster molestation case.
Sorry, I'm late!
I'm the attorney, Sakata.
Nice to meet you.
Gin-san?
We will now start the trial.
["Men, Be A Madao"]
On February 21st at 7:25, the defendant Taizo Hasegawa,
forcefully grabbed the hand of the victim, Ms. A, on the platform at Kabukicho station
and dragged her down into the railway.
He is suspected of performing a Kinniku Buster in front of everyone.
This is clearly an act of molestation and assault.
And depending on the circumstances, it may even be considered attempted murder.
Many people on the platform witnessed the defendant's actions.
Without even having to examine him, it is clear that the defendant is guilty.
Objection!
Defense Attorney Sakata.
It is true that the defendant performed a Kinniku Buster on the victim.
[Kinniku Buster Molestation Case - Exhibit 1] [Note: Image is a spoof of the first appearance of Kinniku Buster in Ultimate Muscle.]
However whether he did this with the intent to molest
is still questionable.
There is a strong possibility that this incident was an accident.
The defendant almost fell off the platform and
accidentally performed a Kinniku Buster on the girl.
Therefore, I plead the defendant is not guilty.
Gin-san!
He's laying into him.
He's totally laying into Haga!
Accidentally?
Do you seriously think a complicated move like the Kinniku Buster
can be performed accidentally?
Apparently, the defense is unaware of how hard Kinnikuman
had to work to come up with that move.
Objection!
In the first place, it's wrong to equate the Kinniku Buster as an act of molestation.
The Kinniku Buster was used by Kinnikuman to destroy the evil super humans.
I cannot imagine that Kinnikuman had perverted intentions
when using this move against the giant super humans.
Besides...
The move performed by the defendant is not the Kinniku Buster.
The Kinniku Buster is called that because it's done by Kinnikuman.
The correct name for the move performed by the defendant, Taizo Hasegawa,
should be the Hasegawa Buster.
Objection!
The Kinniku Buster got its name when Kinnikuman perfected it.
Therefore, no matter who uses it, it should still be called the Kinniku Buster.
Objection!
The Kinniku Buster is one of 48 deadly moves that Prince Kamehame taught Kinnikuman.
Kinnikuman was not the one who came up with it.
When others used the move, the users' name preceded the move.
For example, when Ashuraman used this move, it was called the Ashura Buster.
I will allow the objection.
Damn.
From here on, the Kinniku Buster will be called the Hasegawa Buster.
A-Amazing!
It was a totally meaningless exchange,
yet he managed to win against a professional.
As expected from a guy who can talk himself out of anything!
Look how cool he looks.
Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen him lose an argument.
[As Expected] [Note: The first character actually says 'sugar' and is not the correct kanji to use for this word.]
This may just work.
He may be able to get the job done for me.
Your honor.
He must have had unshakeable evidence for him to say a killer move
taught by Prince Kamehame was used for molestation.
I'd like for him to present that evidence.
I ask Prosecutor Haga to show us the evidence.
Go! Gin-san!
Prosecutor Haga, present the evidence.
Hm? What's wrong?
Don't tell me you came to this conclusion without any evidence?
So these are false accusations?
When we searched the defendant's room,
we found these.
I didn't want to bring out such offensive trash and violate the sanctity of the court, but...
Yikes...
[Note: Book Off is a popular Japanese used books chain that buys books from its customers and resells.]
I should have sold'em to Book Off a long time ago!
Joseph!
Joseph... How dare you kick me into the ravine.
Heidi...
Heidi came back from the depths of hell!
You can join me too. Joseph!
Gin-san! Hurry... Hurry and do something.
He had about thirty of them.
Some were even about molestation.
I think you can now see the defendant's abnormal obsession with sex.
[Edo Video Mature Audience] [Sales or rental to those under 18 years of age is prohibited.]
Gin-san!
I lent you a few of those, didn't I?
Objection! These items presented by Prosecutor Haga are insufficient as evidence.
Allow me to check what's on the disc.
Please play the videos.
You just wanna watch them!
Objection! Your honor, the request by the defense is irrelevant to this case.
There's no reason to check what's on the discs.
Objection overruled.
I will allow the request of the defense.
Please play the discs.
You just wanna watch them too?!
Hey, what kind of a trial is this anyway?
What's going on? What the hell...?
Objection!
Who are you objecting to?
Your honor, please rewind that section.
Back to the part with the spanking.
What kind of objection is this?!
Objection! This is completely senseless.
Let's get back to the trial.
Objection overruled.
Rewind and play it in slow motion.
Your honor!!
Hurry up or Heidi will...!
Die!
Grandpa!
You damn dog! Heidi, hang in there.
Even the old man's trying to drop me into the ravine.
Gin-san!
I'm at my limit!
Counsel, I would like to hear your opinion about the evidence presented.
Why of course.
As a man, it's only natural to be interested in the opposite sex.
I think the defendant's collection is no more than what an average healthy male possesses.
On the contrary, I think it's abnormal to not own these kinds of videos.
Or are you telling me, Haga-san, that you do not own a single video like these?
Yes, but in general, I think thirty discs are too many.
Your honor. I would like to hear your take on this matter.
The defendant's collection is not enough to be treated as evidence.
You've got more than thirty discs, your honor?!
Oops, I missed. Sorry, Heidi.
You geezer...bastard!
Heidi!
Good, this is my chance. Gin-san, keep going.
Prosecutor Haga...
It looks like you've determined the defendant's guilt without any substantial evidence.
Hold on.
Prior to today's trial, I ran a background check on the defendant.
I checked his past history and relationships and discovered something very interesting.
Objection!
Your honor, the prosecutor is clearly trying to change the subject.
Objection overruled.
Prosecutor Haga, please continue.
Please take a look at the previous GinTama episode.
Haga-kun, stop this futile battle.
If you missed the last episode, then just buy the DVD or what will happen to Aniplex?
[Note: Aniplex is a Japanese music and anime production and distribution enterprise.]
There's a man looking in on a girl changing.
Does he look familiar?
That's against the rules!
Three weeks ago, the attorney, Mr. Sakata,
was questioned by police on charges of peeping into a girl's room while she was changing.
Due to a lack of evidence he was let go with a stern warning,
but can someone like that be qualified to defend the molestation charges of his client?
I still question that. How do you all feel, ladies and gentlemen of the court?
Go home, pervert attorney!
A pair of perverts! Throw both of them in the slammer!
Silence!
Silence in the court.
Prosecutor Haga! Do not incite the audience!
Haga! What an asshole!
Not only did he check up on me, but on Gin-san too?
So this is the power of a true professional prosecutor.
How can we win against this?
We don't have a chance in hell!
Joseph, Yuki-chan, come here.
[Note: Yuki is a goat from the anime version of Heidi. Gintoki is dressed up as him.]
Huh? What?
Heidi!!
Come here...
No, this isn't Heidi anymore.
Has she changed into something worse after being swallowed up by the abyss?
If that swallows us up, then we'll never find happiness.
Gin-san, do something.
O...Objection!
What happened to me has nothing to do with this case.
Besides, I was just resting in the park when that girl just happened to come into my view.
That misunderstanding has already been cleared up.
Objection! It has everything to do with this.
Do you think a pervert can defend another pervert?
What this shows is that the two of them were part of some sexually perverted community.
I'm telling you, I wasn't peeping!
Don't put me in the same category as this guy.
I'm gonna kill you!!
Your honor! Did you hear that?
The defense just admitted to the defendant's charges.
Damn.
What are you saying?
You're supposed to be defending me, right?
O-Objection! I made a mistake.
That was a slip of the tongue.
The truth slipped out...
Come on! So you really believe I committed a lewd act?!
Shut up! Now that it's down to this, all I can think about is saving myself.
The shuttle will now separate and take off on its own.
Don't give me that.
I'm taking you down with me now!
The verdict is in.
Your honor, further examination would only be a waste of time.
I ask you to hand down a severe punishment to the defendant, Taizo Hasegawa.
Hm...
Just a minute!
If the defense's mistake determines my guilt,
then will the prosecutor's mistake determine my innocence?
If that's the case, then here it is.
Prosecutor Haga's secret!!
Prosecutor Haga and my wife...
He's in a relationship with my separated wife.
In hopes of getting together with my wife, he offered me an unlawful deal.
He said if I put my seal on the divorce papers, he'd let me win this trial.
Hasegawa-san...
It's okay...
If I can win by humiliating myself...
If I can save Hatsu by humiliating myself, then I'll do it.
Prosecutor Haga, is what the defendant just said true?
It's true.
But only up to the part where he said I have a relationship with his wife.
It's not true that I offered him an unlawful deal.
What the defendant is saying is completely fictitious.
What are you saying?
You told me...
Do you have proof?
Proof that an unlawful deal was made between you and me.
If you have that proof, let's see it right now.
Objection!
Even if he may not be able to prove that an unlawful deal existed between the two of you, this picture...
...should serve as proof that you tried to convict the defendant based on personal reasons.
But the same can be said for the defendant...
That picture can serve as evidence that the defendant acted on personal reasons.
It can be argued that he made up unfounded lies...
from a grudge held against the prosecutor for stealing his wife.
Not only that.
I found you!!
With his wife deserting him and his work not going well,
...the defendant was unable to find sexual... I mean, mental satisfaction...
And so he fulfilled himself by committing lewd sexual acts.
Doesn't this prove that?
Gin-san!
This picture is proof that he is a doggone loser.
Prosecutor Haga, watch what you say.
If I can't call him a doggone loser, then what do you want me to call him?
It's the perfect name for him.
I was trying to entrap him so I could make Hatsu-dono mine?
That's ridiculous!
Do you think Hatsu-dono is still in love with a doggone loser like him?
Do you think I would actually go out of my way to entrap a doggone loser like him?
There's no need for that.
Because Hatsu-dono and I already love each other!
Your honor! There's no need to continue with the trial.
Hand down your sentence that befits this doggone loser.
Defense, Prosecution.
Do either of you have any objections?
O-Objection!
No objections.
Objection!
What's this?
Gin-san...
Clara!!
[Note: Gintoki is dressed up as Clara from the anime version of Heidi.]
Clara rises... No, flies!!
Prosecutor! You just said, "we love each other..."
And "there's no need to continue with the trial."
In other words, the only thing that proves your innocence is that thing you call love.
If that's the case, then let's see it.
Let's see this love of yours.
Your honor!
This is what Prosecutor Haga calls love.
We found that Prosecutor Haga is involved with many women
besides the defendant Taizo Hasegawa's wife.
And not only that, they're all wealthy.
Upon further investigation, Prosecutor Haga is...
Order the outsiders to leave.
Objection! I brought these people down as material witnesses!
Please let them take the stand.
I will allow it.
Huh? What's that? Love is your proof?
Looks like you're selling yourself cheap, Mr. Casanova.
Objection! Those girls are all my friends.
Nothing more than that.
The only one I have a serious relationship with is Hatsu-san.
Or are you saying that you can prove my relationship with those girls?
Okay, let's say that you are only in love with Hatsu-san.
But that's just one-sided.
According to your logic, if Hasegawa-san and Hatsu-san were still in love,
then that leaves room for you to make an unlawful deal so you can make Hatsu-san yours.
C-Can you even prove that?
Your honor, do you mind if I tell you a story from the past?
Go ahead.
Long ago, there was a very loving couple.
The husband was the son of a low-class samurai
and the wife was the daughter of a high-ranking bureaucrat.
Their marriage was opposed due to their class differences,
but when the husband agreed to take the wife's last name, they were married.
Because he married into a good family, the husband was given a high-ranking job.
But he didn't like it.
As a man, he felt he wanted to choose his own path and not be told what to do.
On top of that, his wife even bought him a suit so he would look decent.
This angered the husband and they had a huge fight.
He reported to work on his first day wearing his usual dirty kimono.
When the conservative higher-ups saw this, they got really upset.
So the husband had no choice, but to put his suit on
and go to his boss' house that night to apologize.
There was a woman who got there before him, kneeling on the ground with her forehead on the gravel.
A shabbily clothed woman apologizing with her head to the ground.
She said, in our house, this is our formal wear so please forgive my husband.
The woman cried as she begged for forgiveness.
His wife took off her usual pretty clothes and threw herself on the ground,
bowing to her husband's boss who was well beneath her social status.
The husband saw this and ripped apart the suit he was wearing.
And...
...along with his wife, cried and begged for forgiveness until the morning.
Ever since then, whenever the husband has an important event,
he always puts on that suit.
He always remembers his wife who shamelessly apologized for his sake.
And he vows to throw away his pride and work hard for the sake of his wife.
And that shabby old suit that has gone through
one too many alterations is now too short.
You bastard... How do you know that embarrassing story?
I was asked to give you this new suit since the one you have on is so unsightly.
But sorry! He didn't wear the new suit you got for him again.
He's such a stubborn guy.
No, they're just a stubborn couple.
You're perfect for each other with those shabby clothes.
Hatsu!
I will now give you your sentence.
The defendant, Taizo Hasegawa...
...is guilty.
You're guilty of causing your wife grief.
Go after her right now. That's your sentence.
Your honor!
As for Prosecutor Haga, I will hand down his punishment as soon as we get more details.
The DVD owned by the defendant will be considered hazardous,
and therefore will be left in my keeping.
Why? You really wanna watch them, don't you?
And with this, the case is closed.
Why didn't you say anything?
If you had brought up the fact that Hasegawa-san ran away after being ordered to commit suicide by harakiri,
we would've had no chance of winning.
I wanted to fight.
After all, a woman you truly love should be won over by real ability.
You...
This is the only way I knew how.
Although she never gave me the time of day,
she was a wonderful woman.
And...he has some great friends.
How I envy him...
Hatsu! Wait, wait for me.
We need to talk... Whoa!
[Won the Case]
We did it, Hasegawa-san.
Madao! We expect to get compensated!
Hatsu!
[Preview]
It suddenly appeared beneath our feet.
There was only one thing we knew.
That it was neither a living creature nor man-made.
It was despair itself.
["If You're A Man, Don't Give Up."]
[A planet is about to be destroyed by the erosion of a mysterious object.]
[The legendary savior "Umibozu" appears before those who are standing on the edge of despair.]